HELP ME
9 04 2010Please help me. What’s my problem? So glad you asked.
A lady came to me for my help. My problem is really her’s. She is a young, married, Indian lady. She could not have children and, in really miraculous circumstances, a darling, baby boy was left on her doorstep. Her and her husband were so happy and immediately adopted the little boy. Here’s the problem: The little boy is now 8 years old. The couple have since had their own child, a little girl. Now the problem, the mother begins to accuse the little boy of all sorts of sexual type misbehavior. He was apparently found touching her baby girl’s privates and the mother responded very badly - screaming and eventually coming to the conclusion that the little boy and girl needed to be separated from each other. She and the baby move into a relative’s home. The father of the little boy is for the child and thinks this is all rubbish. The mother wants the little boy out of the house, she is not happy with him.
The father moves out of the house to go and visit his mother, he is very dependent on his mother. The little boy is left with his mother who invites all the nieces and nephews to her house to keep her company.
The mother throws a party for all the teenage cousins and her boyfriend. Although the family is Christian, she has drugs and alcohol at the party, and inappropriate sexual behavior takes place. The mother actually has sex, she told the cousins why she and her boyfriend were going into the bedroom.
A number of the cousins, as soon as they reach home, start to cry and tell the story, the same story.
The mother denies everything and blames the 8 year old for lying to everyone. She says she asked God to forgive her, but at the same time denies anything happened.
The little 8 year old has a troubled look and has no way to clear or help himself. The father has forgiven his wife and still wants to keep the boy. The cousins are sticking to their story.The family is happy to move forward and leave it all behind them. My problem, what about a little, unwanted boy living in a house where he is the scapegoat, a bunch of cousins who seemingly have no voice or whose opinions are ignored, and also will this marriage last and what is this all about, who lives like this.Is this perhaps culture?
hmm… a disturbing tale by any account! Let me see if I have my facts straight: Here is this baby boy whose life began under a cloud of abandonment. Then there is this couple desperate for the honour of being called Mom and Dad. God (dare I say it?) GOD who is merciful and gracious gives this little brokenhearted life to them. That way, they can all be a blessing and be blessed - their deepest desire fulfilled, his heart healed by the love of a family. How nice that would be. Yet what we now have is the same little boy suffering further rejection and labelled with some pretty heavy behavioural problems! Has this alleged “abuse” been verified either medically or psychologically? Has he shown any further evidence of these sorts of problems? Ever heard of childish curiosity?
Let’s forget culture - morality has no culture except that of the Kingdom of God. Furthermore, there are laws in this country, set in place to protect the vulnerable from abuse. And the beauty of the law is that it respects no cultural boundries - right is right and wrong is wrong. the child abuse laws of our constitution are not limited to physical and sexual abuse - emotional and psychological abuse are equally punishable by law! To accuse and punish a child of something that serious without firstly proving the allegations beyond a shadow of doubt and then, if so, providing the necessary therapy to help him- is abuse. To offer teenagers,( who have been left under your care as a position of trust) drugs and alcohol, and then to blatantly engage in illegitimate sexual activity with their knowledge - is abuse. In any culture. Perhaps these people need to take a long, hard look at their own behaviour and make some sincere changes. If the law doesn’t intervene, there is a God in Heaven who says some very pertinent things about “His little ones” and “millstones”. Either way, the innocent, the vulnerable and the helpless need to be protected,